Hands Free Mama: Presentness

Chapter 4 - Recognize the gift of today

"One day at a time - this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering." Ida Scott Taylor

Weekly intention: Take time to pause for what's important

"I have today. Yesterday is gone. All the mistakes, failures, poor choices, and the things I wish I could do over, they are gone. 
Today stands before me with arms wide open.
All I have to do is grasp it."  
What a challenging paragraph! It is so easy to get caught up in the past and miss today. It is also to get caught up in the mundane, necessary daily tasks of laundry and washing up etc, and miss the people who really matter.
The 'intention' this section is to respond to your children immediately rather than saying 'in a minute' or 'after I've done...'. According to the author even 60 seconds of undivided attention can have a positive impact on the behaviour and atmosphere in the home. I'm up for trying that; will you join me?

Weekly intention: Start a simple family tradition

I've been thinking about family traditions for a while now, but usually my thoughts remain at Christmas, Easter and holidays. But we can have little 'everyday' traditions; routine activities which create a past, create memories with the people you love. And all those little everyday moments add up to something that matters.  

One idea of a new tradition that I like the idea of is family games night... I need to have a think about how we can do it.

Weekly intention: Speak words of love

"There will come a day when she no longer wants to hold my hand.

So I will hold it while I still can.

There will come a day when she no longer tells me what's on her mind. 

So I will listen while she still wants to talk to me.

There will come a day when she no longer says, 'Watch me, Mama!'

So I will observe and encourage while I can.

...

So instead of being too busy,

Too tired,

Or too distracted when she seeks my love and attention,

I will be ready and waiting

To make her a well-loved child

While I still can."

Each day I can try to say 'I see you' or 'You matter' or 'I love to watch you' to my children and watch how they respond.

Weekly intention: Without fail, give a proper goodbye

Caleb is still at the stage of doing big hellos and good-byes. When I pick him up from somewhere I have to brace myself for the impact of a child flying at me with the words "I missed you Mummy!" But somehow my big girl Zoë-Grace has moved on to a more reserved farewell/hello and I'm missing it - I wonder if she is too? I love the idea of 'XOXO before you go' and will chat to her about it later.

Review progress from previous weeks

1. Go hands-free at meal times and evenings - good to be reminded as I have slipped a bit!
2. Buy/find alarm clock - found and needs to be set and then phone can stay downstairs at bedtime.
3. Improve the 'school to dinnertime' window - we are getting there and definitely have seen some improvements, but I can continue to do more (as always!)
4. Set aside the to-do list for a time period when Caleb is around and play with him - I need to make more of a concerted effort here and plan to write a Summer List of Fun to work through with him.
5. Go public on Facebook/blog - I am sharing these blogs on Facebook and sharing status updates when appropriate
6. Tell Steve, Zoë-Grace and Caleb what I am trying to do - Done!
7. Start a journal with Zoë-Grace - I have bought the journal and talked to her about it but need to actually set it up.
8. Start an Appreciation Journal with Steve - I have bought the journal and need to start!
9. Have distraction free time with Steve - Need to schedule some more evenings.
10. Improve drive time - We have been listening to CDs and chatting about the songs.
11. Engage in household tasks together - hmm, need to think about this one... and then actually do it!
12. Create a Connection Time activity bag - I've started collecting items to put in a bag. I am planning on mostly using things from around the house, but one new item I have bought are some story cubes.
13. Participate wholeheartedly in a loved one's activities - I am trying!

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The book I'm reading is Hands Free Mama: A guide to putting down the phone, burning the to-do list and letting go of perfection to grasp what really matters, by Rachel Macy Stafford, Zondervan.com All quotes are from the book unless otherwise stated.

Hands Free Mama: Deliberateness

Chapter 3 - Choose what matters

"At least three times every day take a moment and ask yourself what is really important. Have the wisdom and the courage to build your life around your answer." Dr Lee Jampolsky

One of my favourite songs at the moment is Liturgy of the Hours by Stuart Townend. He explains the backstory: "‘Liturgy of the hours’ is the monastic practice of daily prayer at set points during the day. As someone who really struggles to remain ‘God-aware’ through the ups and downs of the day, I’ve found this discipline really helpful. I hope this song will help you to do the same." (https://www.stuarttownend.co.uk/song/liturgy-of-the-hours/)  I love the idea of set times for prayer and reflection.

At the moment the answer to what is really important in my life is my relationship with God, my husband and my children and I need to be building my life around these three relationships. God will always be there for me, and today my husband and children stand before me, wanting and needing me - tomorrow they may not be there; it may be very different. So I need to fill our days with love and laughter!

Weekly intention: Engage in Household Tasks Together

I have a tendency to be a pendulum in this area... I either focus entirely on getting household tasks done and stick the children in front of the TV or I ignore the jobs and focus on the children! This chapter today has been a challenge to find some middle-ground and not get stressed about the 'mess' created by their help! And today I have been challenged - Caleb asked to help with the washing up, which actually becomes an adventure in pouring the water from one vessel to another, but as he hasn't yet grasped the differing sizes and capacities, then a significant amount of water ends up on the floor!

Weekly intention: Turn Wait Time into Connection Time

I wonder how much time I actually spend with my loved ones just waiting for something else to happen. This should be time used and not wasted: "Wait time can become Connection time".

Weekly intention: Become Fully Submerged in the Passions of a Loved One

Sometimes I read things and then wonder when I will see the opportunities in my daily life. I wasn't quite expecting it to happen so quickly, but when Caleb asked me to run and jump with him at Gym Club today I decided to embrace it with two hands rather than sitting off to one side with one eye on him and one on my phone. And the outcome? A rather exhausted Mummy, but we had an hour of laughter and exercise, and we came home happy! He had had the gift of me; the gift of my time, focus and attention. As we go each Wednesday this will hopefully be 'our time', but I also need to find time for Steve and Zoë-Grace to have a similar gift.

Review progress from previous weeks

1. Go hands-free at meal times and evenings - good to be reminded as I have slipped a bit!
2. Buy/find alarm clock - found and needs to be set and then phone can stay downstairs at bedtime.
3. Improve the 'school to dinnertime' window - we are getting there and definitely have seen some improvements, but I can continue to do more (as always!)
4. Set aside the to-do list for a time period when Caleb is around and play with him - I need to make more of a concerted effort here and plan to write a Spring List of Fun to work through with him.
5. Go public on Facebook/blog - I am sharing these blogs on Facebook and sharing status updates when appropriate
6. Tell Steve, Zoë-Grace and Caleb what I am trying to do - Done!
7. Start a journal with Zoë-Grace - I have bought the journal and talked to her about it but need to actually set it up.
8. Start an Appreciation Journal with Steve - Not sorted yet...
9. Have distraction free time with Steve - We had a lovely meal out on Friday (thank you Katie for babysitting!) and I plan to schedule some more in!
10. Improve drive time - We have been listening to CDs and chatting about the songs

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The book I'm reading is Hands Free Mama: A guide to putting down the phone, burning the to-do list and letting go of perfection to grasp what really matters, by Rachel Macy Stafford, Zondervan.com All quotes are from the book unless otherwise stated.

Hands Free Mama: Connectedness

Chapter 2 - Make purposeful connection

"The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers." Thich Nhat Hanh

When I first read this quote it reminded me of another quote I'd read a couple of years back:

“Spirited kids are like the roses in my garden. They need more attention. Throw a little water on the other flowers and they grow. Not the rose, it needs special treatment. It has to be pruned and guided in its growth. Other flowers can be plucked, pulled and mauled by a preschooler and still last for weeks on your dining room table. If you treat a rose roughly it will wilt in your hands or stab you, make you bleed. But there is not another flower like the rose in my garden. Its rich perfume fragrance titillates my senses. Its satin soft petals tickle my fingers. Its blooms are so vibrant they stir my soul. Spirited kids are like roses-they need special care. And sometimes you have to get past the thorns to truly enjoy their beauty.” Mary Sheedy Kurcinka, Raising Your Spirited Child

Whatever flowers our children are, we need to give them attention to help them to bloom. And that means giving them my full attention; to be fully present, to be hands free...

I also loved the idea of the journal in this chapter; you use a notebook to write messages to each other, and it means that children can write down things that it's hard to say face-to-face. Now that Zoë-Grace is learning to read and write I think I may take her shopping for a notebook that she can use to write to me. I probably need to wait for Caleb as he's yet to be interested in writing and is more than content to just be attached to me (hence his pet name of Lemur!)

Weekly intention: Go public

One of the reasons for writing this blog is to be accountable to you, my reader. It may be that there aren't many of you out there but in some ways that doesn't matter! I just want people to remind me of my aims and the challenges ahead... So, I may need you to remind me to put my phone away at meal times and evenings (Weekly intention from last week). When Zoë-Grace gets home from school I am also going to share my intentions with her and Caleb - I'm sure they will be my greatest accountability partners!

Weekly intention: Start the conversation

As well as being distraction-free with my children, I must also be protecting my marriage from the damage of distraction. Another notebook idea in this chapter is to create an Appreciation Journal where I can write short thank you notes. But more importantly I need to not be distracted on my phone/laptop when Steve is around - he is more important than that!
(Photo by Eric Pickersgill. He removed mobile phones from images of couples and families to expose just how addicted to technology we have become.)

Weekly intention: Turn Drive Time into Connection Time

Now I've never had an issue with using my mobile phone whilst driving, but I can quite easily still ignore those in the car with me. There needs to be a sensible balance between concentrating on driving and acknowledging that I have passengers!

Review progress from previous weeks

1. Go hands-free at meal times and evenings - good to be reminded as I have slipped a bit!
2. Buy/find alarm clock - found and needs to be set and then phone can stay downstairs at bedtime.
3. Improve the 'school to dinnertime' window - we are getting there and definitely have seen some improvements, but I can continue to do more (as always!)
4. Set aside the to-do list for a time period when Caleb is around and play with him - I need to make more of a concerted effort here and plan to write a Spring List of Fun to work through with him.

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The book I'm reading is Hands Free Mama: A guide to putting down the phone, burning the to-do list and letting go of perfection to grasp what really matters, by Rachel Macy Stafford, Zondervan.com

Hands Free Mama: Awareness

I'm restarting my hands free journey today as I have chosen Hands Free Mama as my Tuesday morning book... I got hold of this book in August 2015 and have only managed to read a few chapters, so I have gone back to the beginning and will blog each Tuesday on the chapter I've read as a way to be accountable to myself.

Chapter 1 – Acknowledge the cost of your distraction

"One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon - instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today." Dale Carnegie

Weekly intention: Go hands free for a specific time period each day

- Overnight (bedtime and morning)
- Meal times
There are other times but I will start here for now... This does also mean I need an alarm clock as I currently use my phone!!

Weekly intention: Make a priceless investment

Sabotaging factors - phone, facebook, television, housework pressures.
I'd like to improve the 'school to dinnertime' window.

Everyday life has "sunset moments" but we can easily miss them by being caught up with daily distractions.

Weekly intention: Let go of the To-Do list

Set aside the to-do list for a time period when Caleb is around and play with him.

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The book I'm reading is Hands Free Mama: A guide to putting down the phone, burning the to-do list and letting go of perfection to grasp what really matters, by Rachel Macy Stafford, Zondervan.com