Chapter 2 - Make purposeful connection
"The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers." Thich Nhat HanhWhen I first read this quote it reminded me of another quote I'd read a couple of years back:
Whatever flowers our children are, we need to give them attention to help them to bloom. And that means giving them my full attention; to be fully present, to be hands free...“Spirited kids are like the roses in my garden. They need more attention. Throw a little water on the other flowers and they grow. Not the rose, it needs special treatment. It has to be pruned and guided in its growth. Other flowers can be plucked, pulled and mauled by a preschooler and still last for weeks on your dining room table. If you treat a rose roughly it will wilt in your hands or stab you, make you bleed. But there is not another flower like the rose in my garden. Its rich perfume fragrance titillates my senses. Its satin soft petals tickle my fingers. Its blooms are so vibrant they stir my soul. Spirited kids are like roses-they need special care. And sometimes you have to get past the thorns to truly enjoy their beauty.” Mary Sheedy Kurcinka, Raising Your Spirited Child
I also loved the idea of the journal in this chapter; you use a notebook to write messages to each other, and it means that children can write down things that it's hard to say face-to-face. Now that Zoë-Grace is learning to read and write I think I may take her shopping for a notebook that she can use to write to me. I probably need to wait for Caleb as he's yet to be interested in writing and is more than content to just be attached to me (hence his pet name of Lemur!)
Weekly intention: Go public
One of the reasons for writing this blog is to be accountable to you, my reader. It may be that there aren't many of you out there but in some ways that doesn't matter! I just want people to remind me of my aims and the challenges ahead... So, I may need you to remind me to put my phone away at meal times and evenings (Weekly intention from last week). When Zoë-Grace gets home from school I am also going to share my intentions with her and Caleb - I'm sure they will be my greatest accountability partners!
Weekly intention: Start the conversation
As well as being distraction-free with my children, I must also be protecting my marriage from the damage of distraction. Another notebook idea in this chapter is to create an Appreciation Journal where I can write short thank you notes. But more importantly I need to not be distracted on my phone/laptop when Steve is around - he is more important than that!(Photo by Eric Pickersgill. He removed mobile phones from images of couples and families to expose just how addicted to technology we have become.)
Weekly intention: Turn Drive Time into Connection Time
Now I've never had an issue with using my mobile phone whilst driving, but I can quite easily still ignore those in the car with me. There needs to be a sensible balance between concentrating on driving and acknowledging that I have passengers!
Review progress from previous weeks
- Go hands-free at meal times and evenings - good to be reminded as I have slipped a bit!
- Buy/find alarm clock - found and needs to be set and then phone can stay downstairs at bedtime.
- Improve the 'school to dinnertime' window - we are getting there and definitely have seen some improvements, but I can continue to do more (as always!)
- Set aside the to-do list for a time period when Caleb is around and play with him - I need to make more of a concerted effort here and plan to write a Spring List of Fun to work through with him.
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The book I'm reading is Hands Free Mama: A guide to putting down the phone, burning the to-do list and letting go of perfection to grasp what really matters, by Rachel Macy Stafford, Zondervan.com
