Hands Free Mama: Deliberateness

Chapter 3 - Choose what matters

"At least three times every day take a moment and ask yourself what is really important. Have the wisdom and the courage to build your life around your answer." Dr Lee Jampolsky

One of my favourite songs at the moment is Liturgy of the Hours by Stuart Townend. He explains the backstory: "‘Liturgy of the hours’ is the monastic practice of daily prayer at set points during the day. As someone who really struggles to remain ‘God-aware’ through the ups and downs of the day, I’ve found this discipline really helpful. I hope this song will help you to do the same." (https://www.stuarttownend.co.uk/song/liturgy-of-the-hours/)  I love the idea of set times for prayer and reflection.

At the moment the answer to what is really important in my life is my relationship with God, my husband and my children and I need to be building my life around these three relationships. God will always be there for me, and today my husband and children stand before me, wanting and needing me - tomorrow they may not be there; it may be very different. So I need to fill our days with love and laughter!

Weekly intention: Engage in Household Tasks Together

I have a tendency to be a pendulum in this area... I either focus entirely on getting household tasks done and stick the children in front of the TV or I ignore the jobs and focus on the children! This chapter today has been a challenge to find some middle-ground and not get stressed about the 'mess' created by their help! And today I have been challenged - Caleb asked to help with the washing up, which actually becomes an adventure in pouring the water from one vessel to another, but as he hasn't yet grasped the differing sizes and capacities, then a significant amount of water ends up on the floor!

Weekly intention: Turn Wait Time into Connection Time

I wonder how much time I actually spend with my loved ones just waiting for something else to happen. This should be time used and not wasted: "Wait time can become Connection time".

Weekly intention: Become Fully Submerged in the Passions of a Loved One

Sometimes I read things and then wonder when I will see the opportunities in my daily life. I wasn't quite expecting it to happen so quickly, but when Caleb asked me to run and jump with him at Gym Club today I decided to embrace it with two hands rather than sitting off to one side with one eye on him and one on my phone. And the outcome? A rather exhausted Mummy, but we had an hour of laughter and exercise, and we came home happy! He had had the gift of me; the gift of my time, focus and attention. As we go each Wednesday this will hopefully be 'our time', but I also need to find time for Steve and Zoë-Grace to have a similar gift.

Review progress from previous weeks

1. Go hands-free at meal times and evenings - good to be reminded as I have slipped a bit!
2. Buy/find alarm clock - found and needs to be set and then phone can stay downstairs at bedtime.
3. Improve the 'school to dinnertime' window - we are getting there and definitely have seen some improvements, but I can continue to do more (as always!)
4. Set aside the to-do list for a time period when Caleb is around and play with him - I need to make more of a concerted effort here and plan to write a Spring List of Fun to work through with him.
5. Go public on Facebook/blog - I am sharing these blogs on Facebook and sharing status updates when appropriate
6. Tell Steve, Zoë-Grace and Caleb what I am trying to do - Done!
7. Start a journal with Zoë-Grace - I have bought the journal and talked to her about it but need to actually set it up.
8. Start an Appreciation Journal with Steve - Not sorted yet...
9. Have distraction free time with Steve - We had a lovely meal out on Friday (thank you Katie for babysitting!) and I plan to schedule some more in!
10. Improve drive time - We have been listening to CDs and chatting about the songs

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The book I'm reading is Hands Free Mama: A guide to putting down the phone, burning the to-do list and letting go of perfection to grasp what really matters, by Rachel Macy Stafford, Zondervan.com All quotes are from the book unless otherwise stated.

Hands Free Mama: Connectedness

Chapter 2 - Make purposeful connection

"The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers." Thich Nhat Hanh

When I first read this quote it reminded me of another quote I'd read a couple of years back:

“Spirited kids are like the roses in my garden. They need more attention. Throw a little water on the other flowers and they grow. Not the rose, it needs special treatment. It has to be pruned and guided in its growth. Other flowers can be plucked, pulled and mauled by a preschooler and still last for weeks on your dining room table. If you treat a rose roughly it will wilt in your hands or stab you, make you bleed. But there is not another flower like the rose in my garden. Its rich perfume fragrance titillates my senses. Its satin soft petals tickle my fingers. Its blooms are so vibrant they stir my soul. Spirited kids are like roses-they need special care. And sometimes you have to get past the thorns to truly enjoy their beauty.” Mary Sheedy Kurcinka, Raising Your Spirited Child

Whatever flowers our children are, we need to give them attention to help them to bloom. And that means giving them my full attention; to be fully present, to be hands free...

I also loved the idea of the journal in this chapter; you use a notebook to write messages to each other, and it means that children can write down things that it's hard to say face-to-face. Now that Zoë-Grace is learning to read and write I think I may take her shopping for a notebook that she can use to write to me. I probably need to wait for Caleb as he's yet to be interested in writing and is more than content to just be attached to me (hence his pet name of Lemur!)

Weekly intention: Go public

One of the reasons for writing this blog is to be accountable to you, my reader. It may be that there aren't many of you out there but in some ways that doesn't matter! I just want people to remind me of my aims and the challenges ahead... So, I may need you to remind me to put my phone away at meal times and evenings (Weekly intention from last week). When Zoë-Grace gets home from school I am also going to share my intentions with her and Caleb - I'm sure they will be my greatest accountability partners!

Weekly intention: Start the conversation

As well as being distraction-free with my children, I must also be protecting my marriage from the damage of distraction. Another notebook idea in this chapter is to create an Appreciation Journal where I can write short thank you notes. But more importantly I need to not be distracted on my phone/laptop when Steve is around - he is more important than that!
(Photo by Eric Pickersgill. He removed mobile phones from images of couples and families to expose just how addicted to technology we have become.)

Weekly intention: Turn Drive Time into Connection Time

Now I've never had an issue with using my mobile phone whilst driving, but I can quite easily still ignore those in the car with me. There needs to be a sensible balance between concentrating on driving and acknowledging that I have passengers!

Review progress from previous weeks

1. Go hands-free at meal times and evenings - good to be reminded as I have slipped a bit!
2. Buy/find alarm clock - found and needs to be set and then phone can stay downstairs at bedtime.
3. Improve the 'school to dinnertime' window - we are getting there and definitely have seen some improvements, but I can continue to do more (as always!)
4. Set aside the to-do list for a time period when Caleb is around and play with him - I need to make more of a concerted effort here and plan to write a Spring List of Fun to work through with him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The book I'm reading is Hands Free Mama: A guide to putting down the phone, burning the to-do list and letting go of perfection to grasp what really matters, by Rachel Macy Stafford, Zondervan.com

Hands Free Mama: Awareness

I'm restarting my hands free journey today as I have chosen Hands Free Mama as my Tuesday morning book... I got hold of this book in August 2015 and have only managed to read a few chapters, so I have gone back to the beginning and will blog each Tuesday on the chapter I've read as a way to be accountable to myself.

Chapter 1 – Acknowledge the cost of your distraction

"One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon - instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today." Dale Carnegie

Weekly intention: Go hands free for a specific time period each day

- Overnight (bedtime and morning)
- Meal times
There are other times but I will start here for now... This does also mean I need an alarm clock as I currently use my phone!!

Weekly intention: Make a priceless investment

Sabotaging factors - phone, facebook, television, housework pressures.
I'd like to improve the 'school to dinnertime' window.

Everyday life has "sunset moments" but we can easily miss them by being caught up with daily distractions.

Weekly intention: Let go of the To-Do list

Set aside the to-do list for a time period when Caleb is around and play with him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The book I'm reading is Hands Free Mama: A guide to putting down the phone, burning the to-do list and letting go of perfection to grasp what really matters, by Rachel Macy Stafford, Zondervan.com

Five months later...

It may appear that I've not read anything for the last five months! This hasn't been the case... I've just not had any time to blog about it. Zoë Grace is becoming a very active, enthusiastic toddler who enjoys spending time with me, and I've been becoming a big, fat momma again as Baby Dennis #2 has been growing big and strong inside me, sapping me of lots of energy.

At the moment I've reading my way through the James Bond series by Ian Fleming. I've read Casino Royale and am now on Live and Let Die. I love comparing them to the films and spotting the differences. Casino Royale and Live and Let Die are both unusual in that the film plot is very similar to the book, with some changes made for screen and updates to make it more contemporary. Might have to get the films out to continue the comparisons...!

Childhood memories

I've been indulging my inner-child recently as I have read the entire Trebizon school series. As a child I loved any school-based stories; the thought of escaping from family and the school I knew, and going to a school like Trebizon or Malory Towers filled many an hour! The fun teachers, the dormitories, the midnight feasts, the swimming pools, the weird and wacky borders, the mysteries...

As an adult I loved the same things; oh to be able to go back in time and to have nothing to worry about except what subjects to take or which boy to talk to, or to solve who stole the perfume from the dormitory. But I can escape for an hour or so (the books aren't very long and I read quick) and then it's back to reality with a bump, with only the memories of fun and happiness lingering...

Unfinished business

It's very rare for me not to finish a book, but recently two books have been put down to be read now more... They are A week in December by Sebastian Faulks and Earthly Joys by Philippa Gregory.

I just haven't got into them! Since having Zoë I'm finding I need to read books which are easy and I can read when I'm half asleep, and these are not easy.

Has anyone read them? Should I pursue or give up?

The Hunger Games

It has been a long time since I devoured a book in the way I have The Hunger Games (sorry for the pun...!) I have literally been walking around the house with the book in my hand and my husband has frequently had to remind me of the time or of something more important than I should be doing!
I had avoided this book for a while as I don't really like futuristic books. I have studied 1984 and The Handmaid's Tale in English at school and was really turned off by the unrealistic content. The details was too specific and, especially with 1984, I could see how far off reality it was. But I have to admit I was intrigued and when I have some spare Tesco vouchers to spend, I decided to go for it.
I have not been disappointed! Although this book is set in the future, it is not full of technological details or specific dates which will be proved wrong in a few years time. You may think me a prude, but I also enjoy the lack of swearing and sex!
I have just bought the next book on my Kindle app so am about to start Catching Fire. Will let you know what I think of it...